I hate being cold. Well, especially when it's meant to be hot. I don't mind if it's meant to be cold. Singapore has been raining for 2-3 days now and I absolutely HATE it. I suffer from allergies that swing with the weather so I am very much affected when the weather here swings from one extreme to the other. Of course, my bosses don't believe me when I tell them that. They look at me with incredulous eyes, "Really?!" YES, REALLY. It's also become worst as the years go by what with level of stress going up.
So now I'm home, doing nothing much but reading very voraciously as if my life depended on what happens to Ugwu next. I'm bored to bits but would not admit it or to go take a walk. I turned my phone off as it only brings me news from the outside world that frankly, I don't give a fuck about at this moment. I turn it on though, about twice, to check my messages. I only respond to the ones I deem are important. The rest can wait. I'm contemplating flying without wings and I need the quiet to rationalise within myself my decision.
Have you eaten, felt full yet empty? Because that's what I'm feeling now. I can feel that my stomach is full yet I feel that it's empty - that I should eat more. I'm not sure what it is. I am listless and tired. There are things to get excited about, things to do but I feel catatonic, staring into the distance, seeing yet not, alive yet dead. Is this what stress does to one?
I need time away. I'm contemplating taking the whole month of June to regroup. I'm already going to the Philippines for about a week so why not take the whole month off too? I'm contemplating Australia but I think I'll most likely end up in different parts of Indonesia. Indonesia, anybody??
Petal P. Rose
