Emptiness – part I

House of stone
Silence surrounds
No pitter patter
No laughter

House empty
Curtains down
Much like the end of a stage play
Audience, sans applause

Sun shines on,
The house it seeks
Infiltrate its warmth
Basking

Wind moves the clouds
Gusts pushing the emptiness
Of that, the House of stone

Will it succumb?

Exhausted, collapsed under pressure?

Bollywood saved my life

Contrary to what one of my friends' wrote about Bollywood(http://poemsbysha.blogspot.com/2006/10/bollywood-destroyed-my-life.html), I think Bollywood saves lives. Well, mine was anyway. See, I was at a Bhangra party last night or should I say, very, very early this morning….It was crowded – I’ve never seen so many beautiful and handsome people all at the same place at one time, old and young.

As the men and women put their inhibitions aside and dance themselves into frenzy, I sat back and observed more. The place was jammed packed with mostly Indians and there I was, one of the aliens. There again, I was a minority. In Singapore where the predominant race is Chinese, I am used to being unseen, unnoticed. The difference in this case is that I didn’t feel left out. It was a very relaxed atmosphere – none of that “I’m more gorgeous than you” attitude. I was thrown uninitiated and was accepted for my difference. Eyes wondered my presence. I smiled as I gamely imitated their dance moves. I didn’t understand the words accompanying the music. All I understood was the language of the beat of the music. Thumping, pulsating into the sense of my being. Teenage kids accompanied by their parents, danced side by side, the parent and child lines erased. For one evening, they became people, they became friends.

The things that would matter in the normalcy of life - all left at the door of the club. Much like laying down of arms. We were at the temple, worshipping Music. That's the power of music. It brings people together, no matter the place, station in life or the time. It wasn't about me, about us or them. It was sweet surrender. If that wasn't a salvation of some sort, you tell me.

Petal P. Rose

Stark, raving....

Nudity. It's been bugging me and been in my face for the last couple of months. I have had separate conversations with people who are not at all connected to each other (so I can't say that it's a conspiracy of some sort..) about this.

So - what about it? I am Asian and the way I've been brought up - conservative. I have nothing against nudity, I know I was born naked and I do get naked but within the privacy of four walls. I am sure, however, that if I do go to a nudist beach that you'd have to stitch my mouth to stop my jaw from dropping or to stop my giggles. I'm not physically perfect, so who am I to snigger but still.....

My friend, GK, puts it perfectly - we are all pervs. We all want to see another person naked. We want to stare, mentally compare hers to yours, his to your lovers' and vice versa. I know I would. I've had conversations where people have confided and said that they would be perfectly happy to go without clothes. I am open to trying new things out - but I don't think I can be persuaded to go starkers. I've been told that there are nudist communities who wander around villages in the buff to shop, etc. Well then, Gap, Emporio, Chanel and company would be making a loss there then. No shit, Sherlock.

It was all Eve's fault, isn't it? Goading Adam to eat that apple. We would otherwise have not known shame and have the need to cover up. More importantly, clothes shroud the flaws of personality and character. We hide behind our clothes. I know I do, trickery of the senses. Hypocrisy at its finest. It is such a perfected craft that I doubt we even notice it. In a such fast paced, modern world, sadly, it is the norm to lie and cheat. Integrity - what's that?! Don't get me wrong. There are people out there who still know what integrity means - just that the numbers are getting fewer and fewer. But for those who have already lost it or have never known it - I fear for the future.

Petal P. Rose

Thunder bolts of lightning.......

Very very frightening......I forgot what I was doing at 5/10/15/20/25 years old!! *gasp* *shock* *horror!!* See, I was part of a drama workshop and we were supposed to act out the things we did when we were at those different ages and I realised that I couldn't for the life of me, fucking, remember! The childhood songs, the childish games, the old wives tales told to scare......poof!

I went through the rest of the exercises in a daze as panic slowly settled in to my being. Oh God, what did I do at those ages?! For most part, I think my mind blocked out alot of the happier times or could it be that there were just too few to make a dent in my memory? As I slowly try to trace my memories, some have resurfaced...but they are so distant and so blurred - I hesitate to even acknowledge that it happened at all. Was it just me wanting to believe that it happened out of desperation of a memory?

Well, I remembered being the only child for awhile, surrounded by boy cousins (who bullied me to no end)...of going to the zoo, being the chaperone to my then dating aunties, of rollercoaster rides and oh, wrestling and being the goalkeeper while my cousins gleefully either cheat for their goals or hit me with the soccer ball. I had memories of visits to the kampung and picnics at Sentosa. It helped that I have colleagues who are older than I am - I wove this memory thing into our lunch conversation today - they were reminiscing their childhood pasts and helped me in reminiscing mine. I remembered that I used to be able to draw - still lifes, poster projects....whereas I am not quite the artist, I was at least able to and I enjoyed it. Where has it all gone??!

I don't want "me" to be wiped out as time goes on. I want to live on and take those memories with me. It may not be all the good ones but they were all a part of me. The building blocks of me. I want to remember the songs sung to me by my mother as she sings me to sleep...the stories read to me...how my mother and father looked...the cries of my baby brothers....the voices raised in anger....the sounds of the birds we kept in cages....

Hush now...be still and at peace

Petal P. Rose

Shattered

What are you doing with your life?
You say you are sorting things out – really?
Are you just digging a deeper hole
To bury yourself in
Or could it be for the hatchet?

All lines are blurred
I don’t know you anymore
The person I knew – a figment of a memory
Seems as if from another time

Get away from me – the stranger you!
Get away from me – leave me!
Get away from me – let me be with my memories.

Alone.

Dizzy

Round and round we go.
one Karma ends
begins Another

Dizzying

altered states
Faces, Places
recycled Gods
wrought Emotions
Interwoven
intricate Lacework

bound together
Endlessly
lifes' Insane ring of roses

Round and round we go.

I am dizzy

Urban Jungle

Some of you may know that I was at the zoo over the weekend. I don't know if it was a case of being unfortunate or not. It was hot and bloody humid as it always is in Singabore. It didn't help that it was extremely crowded - NTUC was having their May Day celebrations there - so free tickets given out, blah blah blah...I leave the rest to your imaginations.

I watched a few performances put up by different embassies to commemorate this NTUC thing. I enjoyed their performances - all were unique in their own ways. I was almost falling out of my chair laughing when I caught the performance by the zoo itself. It featured 5 men and a woman, all dressed in some Tarzan and Jane getups. 2 of the men were beating their drums and the rest of the group were doing various jungle-like-as-depicted-by-them dances and using some long thing to shoot and burst (PINK!!!) balloons. What the hell were they thinking??!! Brings to mind the tagline: "Uniquely Singapore". Oh bloody yawn!

But really, what IS unique about Singabore? I think there's nothing particularly unique about it at all. Everything I see is copied. So selling "Uniquely Singapore" is actually selling lie, a mirage. Or perhaps it does exist - in the minds of it's Creators.

Do you see what I see.....

Smiling faces greet you everywhere

Do you see what I see.....

while They poke and snarl behind your back

"Welcome to..." "Thank you" "Please"

Put on manners ensnare them unawares

Put on Their clothes, shoes, manners, smiles

Ready - Lights! Camera! Action!!!

Petal P. Rose

Aspirations, Perspirations

I was chatting with someone and I told him that I have a blog. He took a peek and told me that he wants more of “me” in it. I told him, “Babe, it’s all me – who do you think wrote all those stuff??”. He wanted to see my hopes, dreams, aspirations and things like that. I told him that a blog is not ever going to be a stand-in for me – you need to meet me, have a conversation and learn about me – the old-fashioned way…

But just briefly, I want to do it ALL in life. Sounds ambitious, huh? I’m not your typical go-getter gal. In fact, I would wait for opportunities to come swimming by me and grab it…or maybe not. I am, however, stubborn and when I set my mind to it, I can get what I want. I want to travel the world – my favourite line to all travellers, “Pack me in your suitcase” and I’m bloody serious too. I am working towards that – I’m not sure if I will make it but there’s nothing like trying. If it’s successful, YAY!! Otherwise, back to the drawing board. I feel like Pinky and the Brain, always dreaming up schemes to conquer the world… MMWahahahaha!! Short term goals for me for the moment: Get that scooba-dooba diving/kayaking licence and I NEED A VACATION! Sponsors, anyone?

I’ve started back on track, (and I hope to stay on it – Devils and Temptations, Away!! Shoo!) running, doing my weights and tomorrow, I start swimming again. My goal since last year was to do the marathon. In fact, there was a triathlon that we wanted to do as a corporate but with all the bloody deadlines, it just got shelved. And now, I’m no longer in that firm so may have to round up the cows at the new one but I think it’s a hard sell….Another goal to add on to the list.

I did achieve some things over the past year though: I volunteered for an arts’ fringe festival and am one of the founding members of an arts society targeted at providing a platform for migrant workers to express themselves artistically (http://www.migrantvoices.org/). I met tons of people through it and various other channels. I took my Star 1 kayaking certification…hmm…but really, grew as a person. I’m not done growing up and when I grow up, I want to be someone who may not be famous worldwide but someone who lived her life, did all the things she wanted to do, in turn touch others in her journey and who will die happy, with her loved ones beside her, knowing all these things.

Dedicated to E.,

Petal P. Rose