Very very frightening......I forgot what I was doing at 5/10/15/20/25 years old!! *gasp* *shock* *horror!!* See, I was part of a drama workshop and we were supposed to act out the things we did when we were at those different ages and I realised that I couldn't for the life of me, fucking, remember! The childhood songs, the childish games, the old wives tales told to scare......poof!
I went through the rest of the exercises in a daze as panic slowly settled in to my being. Oh God, what did I do at those ages?! For most part, I think my mind blocked out alot of the happier times or could it be that there were just too few to make a dent in my memory? As I slowly try to trace my memories, some have resurfaced...but they are so distant and so blurred - I hesitate to even acknowledge that it happened at all. Was it just me wanting to believe that it happened out of desperation of a memory?
Well, I remembered being the only child for awhile, surrounded by boy cousins (who bullied me to no end)...of going to the zoo, being the chaperone to my then dating aunties, of rollercoaster rides and oh, wrestling and being the goalkeeper while my cousins gleefully either cheat for their goals or hit me with the soccer ball. I had memories of visits to the kampung and picnics at Sentosa. It helped that I have colleagues who are older than I am - I wove this memory thing into our lunch conversation today - they were reminiscing their childhood pasts and helped me in reminiscing mine. I remembered that I used to be able to draw - still lifes, poster projects....whereas I am not quite the artist, I was at least able to and I enjoyed it. Where has it all gone??!
I don't want "me" to be wiped out as time goes on. I want to live on and take those memories with me. It may not be all the good ones but they were all a part of me. The building blocks of me. I want to remember the songs sung to me by my mother as she sings me to sleep...the stories read to me...how my mother and father looked...the cries of my baby brothers....the voices raised in anger....the sounds of the birds we kept in cages....
Hush now...be still and at peace
Petal P. Rose
I went through the rest of the exercises in a daze as panic slowly settled in to my being. Oh God, what did I do at those ages?! For most part, I think my mind blocked out alot of the happier times or could it be that there were just too few to make a dent in my memory? As I slowly try to trace my memories, some have resurfaced...but they are so distant and so blurred - I hesitate to even acknowledge that it happened at all. Was it just me wanting to believe that it happened out of desperation of a memory?
Well, I remembered being the only child for awhile, surrounded by boy cousins (who bullied me to no end)...of going to the zoo, being the chaperone to my then dating aunties, of rollercoaster rides and oh, wrestling and being the goalkeeper while my cousins gleefully either cheat for their goals or hit me with the soccer ball. I had memories of visits to the kampung and picnics at Sentosa. It helped that I have colleagues who are older than I am - I wove this memory thing into our lunch conversation today - they were reminiscing their childhood pasts and helped me in reminiscing mine. I remembered that I used to be able to draw - still lifes, poster projects....whereas I am not quite the artist, I was at least able to and I enjoyed it. Where has it all gone??!
I don't want "me" to be wiped out as time goes on. I want to live on and take those memories with me. It may not be all the good ones but they were all a part of me. The building blocks of me. I want to remember the songs sung to me by my mother as she sings me to sleep...the stories read to me...how my mother and father looked...the cries of my baby brothers....the voices raised in anger....the sounds of the birds we kept in cages....
Hush now...be still and at peace
Petal P. Rose
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