I'm back - ish....

It's been a couple of months since I last wrote, I know. It's been a crazy time till now - I can't wait to see what 2010 will bring. I've decided that for Y2010, that I leave on time, everyday from work and get back on track with my food and fitness. It's always easier said than done.


I don't know why it was that years ago, I could fit it all in and be oh so, disciplined. Okay, so perhaps I had more time on my hand, lesser worries and responsibilities but I refuse to believe that it is the reason. I'm not giving myself room for excuses, I think - which is good....?


I've put some personal projects on hold, aside from the lack of discipline for a fitness routine and diet. There are so many things to focus on - I like to put in 110% effort in all the things that I take up but more and more, I feel like 110% multiplied by X number of "projects" taken on, leaves me with a deficit of 800%. Not good at all, folks, I agree....


If only things run like clockwork and are bang on - but it's too idealistic to even dream of it. Oh well, I'll leave some of these things for the inevitable January 2010...in the meantime, I'm on a well-deserved break down under and may decide to write again before the year is out...or not.

Love,
Petal P. Rose

Dark

I trail my fingers
softly softly by the seams
I close my eyes - I've not seen
yet I believe

Dark and large
Very comfortable, said he....

Is it as dark as liquorice
and warm like chocolate?
Will it taste pleasant in my mouth?

Petal

Lullaby

I want to sleep beside you
tucked into bed by midnight
every night
for as long as forever

steal into my window
blend into the humidity of the dark
a wisp of love
tucked behind my ear

rise and fall in rhythm
like the patterned sheets
harmonising
a duet

I want to sleep beside you
awakened by dawn
for as long as we can
forever's not too long

Love,
Petal P. Rose

The phone

The phone sits muted
by the bedside table
harbinger of news
don't like it when it rings
leave! it's the weekend - i dive under my pillows

i'd rather read the papers
the magazines, the internet
at my own pace
my eyes carress the rounded curves
i put it away to be mulled over

later
later

Petal P. Rose

In your head...

"I am not of this world." "We are not in the same world"

I thrashed my head - side to side


adamant
"I don't believe it! Don't!"
Not for one bit


Hah - not possible, just in your head



Not of this world, not of the universe?




the pieces that don't fit



in your head - - somewhere..






nowhere


but your head.

Petal P. Rose

Obsession

I wonder what it is with all of us. Gone are the days without mobile phones, laptops, PCs and the internet. We are all so connected that the world has indeed become smaller and there is nowhere in the world now to hide.

Worse now that we have Twitter, Facebook and whathaveyous. Every minute of the day, every second is traceable. I admit that I have fallen victim to the modern ways. I no longer can live without the convenience of a mobile phone and the internet. I can put my hands up and say, "Yes, I am addicted to being connected." In fact, so connected that certain phones can't be simply switched off - like the Blackberry and the IPhone for example.

So much so that on my retreat to Samui, I had to force myself to switch my Iphone to the plane mode so I cannot get calls. I was very happy having landed, picked up at the airport, checked in and was given the welcome drink. It was a welcome most refreshing. The resort was silent, not many guests and the stretch where I was - cricket quiet. I could hear myself think and with every turn, the crick of my neck. I was smiling happily away, thinking, bliss....till I got shown my room. Door swings open and greeting me was a bloody PC - sitting docile and obedient. The porter showed me the room, even proudly announced the PC with the internet and proceeded to switch it on. He, of course, didn't know that that was the very thing I was trying to avoid - to avoid being in touch and connected! But I was proud to say that I only connected to Facebook and my email accounts once a day whilst I was there. It was a hard push, not feeding my addiction. I survived but not quite rehabilitated as 5 days is much too short to lapse into inconnectivity.

Why do we have this urge to proclaim every single insignificant move we make on our Facebook or Twitter accounts? Why do we have blogs and autobiographies?

I have a Facebook account; at times, I want to let certain people know how I feel, without really letting on that the status update was targeted at a particular person. Sometimes, I play off someone else's status updates or just want a one-up to beat one of my friends' status updates. It's childish and mindless but hey, it is something that we all do.

I write a blog because I want to record what I think/see/do. I unleash my anger and disappointment here; I liken it to throwing glass or splashing paint at the wall. It is also a creative outlet for me as it is easier than painting where you don't have to set up the easel, paints, etc, etc. My tools would just be the internet, the computer and my inspiration (yes, I am lazy) AND I can be anywhere in the world. No, I don't get anxiety attacks if I don't log into my Facebook accounts or read my email. Neither do I feel like there's something missing in the day if I don't blog (though I must write, so a pad and pencil is the substitute).

Truth is, I think, people blog/write autobiographies/update status on Facebook or Twitter because they are narcisstic. That's the simplest of explanations. Do you really think that your friends are bothered to be kept updated with your every thought or what you are doing? In a(n) (ab)normal world without the internet, a Facebook/Twitter/autobiography would be just someone standing in the middle of the room and telling others in the room know what they are thinking/doing. If your voice is louder, then, I suppose the people in the next few rooms can hear you. Even if its photographs that you put up, it is still a way of telling or bragging.

Hmmm....I don't have exact figures as to how many subscribers there are for Facebook/Twitter, but imagine that number of people, standing side by side, just telling, telling, telling, every single second. Do you realise how much noise we are making, just Facebooking/Twittering - even if we sit in silence in our lonely room? And how silent we have become in real as Facebook / Twitter/internet/mobile phones take over the real talking? Why talk when we can sms, email or Facebook/Twitter? Hmmph...such a twist...

Petal P. Rose

"A little narcissim exists in all of us since birth"

Human Nature

she strides past me
with her head held up high
not even glancing to see me

she doesn't speak to me
my only fault - being alone
here

I come to escape such pettiness
I live it everyday
yet this place offers me no respite
none I see anyway.

her husband sniffs around me
like a beast, circling

his quick flash of smiles
much like the leash that the wife keeps-
short.

"hello, how you doing?"
"doing well - and yourself?"
he prattles on - like I really cared

the wife doesn't know he says hello to me
it's clandestine, this affair

all I'm thinking is,
go back to your cocoon
I don't want your "hello, how you doing"
I prefer to be alone, thanks

i don't want to talk
i don't lack or want company
leave me alone
leave me be

the reason I left
is found(yet again) here
never can escape
this human nature

Petal P. Rose - chilled out in Samui